Yeah, so I totally suck at this. I've fallen in love with Tumblr and have been unable to tear myself away to do much of anything useful with my life. I wanted to give this long and detailed account of what's going on but I'm at work....you know, blogging at work to pass the time.... so I'm not sure how detailed I'll get.
I've got a friend who's really going through some rough stuff right now and while I feel badly for her, I've got all these mixed emotions about it. Sure, it's awful and my heart hurts for her but at the same time.....a lot of the things she's going through she brought upon herself (in some way or another). The thing that's REALLY bothering me about it is that she says she's trying to be better and stop self destructing her world but her actions are saying the exact opposite. It would make me so mad if I wasn't worried she'd actually harm herself (again). If you spend 8-10 days in the hospital for overdose on pills while you're drunk, I don't think your first weekend home you should be out getting drunk cause you're "26 years old and can do whatever the fuck you want". I'm just saying. After spending Friday night watching her drink herself into a stupid mess I thought maybe she doesn't actually care. That makes me wonder how a person can actually feel that way. Like, there's no point to anything. Sure, everyone has their extra shitty days. I know I have but I can't think of one single day where there wasn't SOMETHING worth caring about.
With that said, I don't know if anyone actually knows this but there was a time in high school where, at the time, I felt the same way and took a nail filer, one of the ones with a pointed tip, and "tried" to slit my wrists. Looking back, even a short time after I did that, it was more for the attention then to actually hurt myself. I was feeling left out and lonely....you know? The typical teenage drama. I think a lot of people who hurt themselves do it for attention. But with that said, this friend.....she's an attention hog and as my sister would say, she's always the "bride". Every conversation comes back to her, no matter what we're talking about. It's always about her drama, her issues, her stories. It's safe to say she's the most selfish person I know......and that's big coming from me, another completely selfish person. But I know when to say when. I've learned over the years that the world, must to my surprise, does not in fact revolve around me and I've come to terms with it. Like they say, sharing is caring.
So after the mess of Friday night and hearing what she's had going on, I was more than alarmed and messaged her sister about it. I try really hard to stay out of people's family business but in this case, what with all the red flags, I felt (and still do) that would be a bad idea on my part. Her sister asked me to call her mother and blah, blah, blah.....it's bad. My friend has cut ties with everyone that cares about her and loves her and is running as fast as she can down this path of all that is bad. I tried to talk to her Friday night about it but this brick wall came up and she shut down. There is no reasoning with her and I honestly don't think it'll get better until it get worse.
This leaves me feeling useless as a friend and a person. But I just have to keep reminding myself that you can only do so much for a person that isn't ready to accept the facts. I can only be there when she falls and hope that it's not too late.
SO, now that I'm done being as deep and thoughtful as I can today I'll carry on with other news. Um, I passed all my classes last semester (YAAAAAYYY) and I already know what I want to take for the fall, providing they don't fill up. I'm praying they don't cause I'm totally excited about them and think it'll be a fun semester for it falls out the way I've planned it.
Other than that, nothing really earth shaking has happened. OH! I LIED! My sister's officially coming home for good next week. Just in time for Taylor Swift (hate all you want but I love that tiny little blonde girl). I'm so excited for her to be back and I'm hoping all will return to normal as we've had a rough couple of months.
Also, I'm going to marry Keira Knightley. True story. I'm hopelessly in love with her and worship the ground she walks on.
That is all.
